It's just about exactly a year since I last posted and I'm not sure why I stopped. Got busy, found some new friends, work climate exaggerating, bought a house.
I bought a great 3 bedroom house in after looking for months since the sale of my home in 2013. DD kept asking me why I was looking and honestly, after living in a trailer, it's great living with him but nothing is mine. There is something about knowing you have the right to buy new towels, change the feel of a room or strip the awful wallpaper that has lost it's relevance.
The bigger reason was if something ever happened to "us", I wanted to be independent and not feel like a 50+ loser without real estate to show for years of smart investing and living. On the outside chance we would get married, the house we live in is still his, and should be, but I would feel better about claiming some square footage as my own. I've started with the downstairs bedroom by converting it to a craft/sewing room. I have big plans for that room. It's going to be my hideaway and store a lot of the things stuck in storage that I can't get to. It's pretty piece mealed together right now with odd storage containers and the likes but that will change. I'll purge and combine and organize.
I finally decided to get rid of Linda's Honda. It just wasn't me. I sold it back to Carmax (what a bunch of idiots!) They finally wrote off the over charge of interest they were trying to swindle me out of because I pressed on why they had two different payoff amounts and I saw one I wasn't supposed to charging me 90 days pmts beyond what the payoff date was. Someone should class action sue them! I'd been hanging onto some money with the thought I'd need it for the new house and I don't so I did something crazy. I test drove several cars and decided to go BIG RED! Bought a CLA 250 Mercedes which has now had the letter rearranged to say 50 CAL and is the bomb! Classy, sharp and clean. DD bought me the sports package, wazoo headlights and I think the sales tax. All in for $5k. We actually got into an argument about the whole thing. Bottom line is he never knows what to buy me and wanted to treat me to the sensible decision I was making to not get everything I wanted but didn't need. I now know I truly needed them.
Now I'm in the ridiculous position of owning 3 completely different cars. The 1958 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud 1 that I bought deserves its own story, some other time. Now a Benz and I have my total midlife crisis convertible Lady Bug VW. That damn car has about $6k in it now for various repairs and I still let it bleed me of my hard earned money. It took us on an 8 state, 10 day roadtrip from Highland to Mr. Rushmore then home via Yellowstone, Jackson, Salt Lake and Vegas. Amazing trip and the photos are incredible.
Well, wrapped up the sale of Linda's home, netted her kids a nice check and I got reimbursed for about 2 1/2 years of a daily reminder that she is gone and it still doesn't seem real. I had an amazing dream about her (and I really do believe in visits from the beyond) in which she was in a cement quad for what was supposed to be our county seat courthouse. I was there to see DD but I saw her, in a long beige cashmere coat with a belt. She put her finger to her mouth to quiet me when I did a double take and called her name.
I went to her and asked - is it really you? She nodded and said yes. I asked but how, why? She explained she wasn't supposed to but really wanted to see me and I hugged her and we both started jumping up and down, giggling, so excited. She was much younger, thinner, smiling. Then in a serious tone I asked her, how is it, are you really there? She said "you can't believe it. Its amazing and I'm so happy". We started jumping again then she explained that she might change her outward appearance and face, Why? I'm not supposed to be here and no one can recognize me, she then turned into a different woman and smiled at me to let me know it was still her. Then she turned into a crazy homeless man in a sleeping bag acting all crazy. She whispered to me, Ooooh, this is fun!. Then quick as she appeared, she looked around and told me it was time to leave. I told her I loved her and she grabbed my shoulders and very seriously looked me in the eyes and said "you didn't have to stay as long as you did, it would have all been ok". I know she meant how long Maree and I were at her house, dealing with moving, storing, tossing, financials etc. I became relieved and felt the guilt go away I'd been holding onto. I woke up smiling. I haven't dreamed of her since.
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